My trip reportOctober 28, 2015
led zepplin was on (my favorite song- no quarter)… i was lying in bed… it was dark except for this rotating glass light thing sitting on the window sill distorted by the interference of the blinds. it was perfect and beautiful.
the whole bowl lit up and i took as much smoke as i could.
then i think i experienced some astral projection. there was a brief (i think) time at the very beginning where i don’t remember what happened.
this next part happened in what seemed like 5-10 seconds…
i got a sense of floating off in space or in my mind, i don’t know… maybe they are one in the same? so i was off floating in space or somewhere, but at the same time i was where my body was. or maybe it was just the connection to my body that i felt? there seemed to be maybe like an ambilical cord? some sort of energy connection thing. it’s hard to explain it in words.
i got real scared because i didn’t know ANYTHING! who, what or where i was or what was happening, not even aware that i was a human person who had a life of my own. there was no concept of me just having smoked salvia. “reality” was just gone. like there was just NOTHING… EVER, except for what was happening right now… me (whatever me was) floating slowly in darkness. so i pulled back into my body (without realizing that’s what i was doing), desperately wanting some sort of comfort, stability, to KNOW what was happening and what, if anything at all, i was… for there to BE SOMETHING. this confusion and nothingness was terrifying.
after i was slowly becoming aware of the fact that i had been away from the body and pulled back into it, i was relieved. it felt like it was possible that i would be stuck in this nothingness forever.
it was then like a super strong mushroom trip for the next few minutes… seeing so much beauty in the moment. knowing that there was so much out there that you can’t see in the usual mental state. i was happy to be alive! that you can do so much using your mind as a tool. that this “reality” that we live in everyday is just one small thing… that this trip was more REAL than “real life”.
during these intense mushroom feeling moments, i also got a strong sense of a very massive presence. like there was someone or someones just behind “reality”. that i could almost peek around the images that my eyes showed me. like i could ALMOST see it/him/them IF I COULD JUST grab the world i see in front of me and rip it open.
from this entity, i felt many things…. appreciation of my presence, symbiosis, guidence, love. but also trickery, selfishness, sadness, and theivery even. i felt like we were one, but seperated by this veil that was “reality”. like if this everyday world was drawn back and i could see this thing that i knew was there, we would be joined.
as the high faded, i could feel myself reaching out to this being (not physically)… feeling guilt and frustration of NOT being able to see it and not being with it, and for leaving it when i knew in my heart that this was where i should stay (on the plane that salvia has taken me). and from it/him/them i felt sadness of my departure, but almost like it was snickering too. amused by my being human, thus unable to stay. i felt so much like this thing knew things i wanted so desperately to know. i kept hearing or thinking? “just ask him” and “just tell him” and “just wait” and “he’ll know. you’ll find out.” although i didn’t exactly know what that ment. i just knew there was someone one there, i just didn’t know WHO! and that was so frustrating…. it felt like i COULD’VE known, but since the high was fading i couldn’t, because i was returning to my life, away from this place.
and every time i smoke salvia now, the trip is not as intense, but i get a sense of that massive being, but can never quite get to that place where i can see it and know what it is. i hope so much that i will one day get there and get my relief. maybe when my body dies??? i wonder if i will forever be chasing this entity behind the curtain.
*** I would be grateful to be in communication with those that have similar experiences or just want to talk about their experiences. Readers can contact me at bukebuke [at] live.com. ***