I was one with them

October 28, 2015

I closed my curtains, sat down on the ground in the gloom, and put a
dose of 10x salvia extract into the bong (no water), lit, inhaled and
kept the smoke in for about 20 seconds. The smoke was not hard to keep
in, I found it tasted lovely, kind of bitter yet earthy, the kind of
smell you would hope to encounter on a walk in the woods in the spring
or the autumn.

It hit me pretty fast, I’d say right after exhaling. I could no longer
control my body and was forced to lie down. I started getting scared,
even though I know this was a possible effect. Then, the universe
started shifting – it felt as if my consciousness was trying to escape
from my head, diagonally (down, towards the right).

When I closed my eyes, reality was streaming fractal, bright yellow,
pink and green (actually, I can see no other names for the colours I
saw, they were indescribable). I reopened my eyes, and could see my room (curtains and ceiling), but it was as if there were singularities (one
in my head) pulling reality in towards them. Concentrating on the edges of things, they were fractal, infinite repetitions of themselves, and
not real. Colours shifted, moved.

The most extraordinary thing though, was that every molecule around me,
every thing and every subset, was a consciousness, a being, and they
were all talking to me. I cannot tell whether they were a multiple of
one, or each different, but I remember they were all speaking
separately, laughing at me, singing at me, each vying for attention,
until at one point they all spoke together, in one harmonious, singing
voice. I had the feeling it/they was/were hermaphrodite bordering on the feminine. I felt at home with them, like with an old and dear friend,
but I do not remember what they said. It was something beautiful though.

At one point, I was one with them, one of them, even though they
remained separate and alien. I could no longer find myself, and that
scared me most of all I think.

I slowly exit this state, the pulling on reality recedes somewhat, and
the voices dim and go out. The world is still shaky, and it’s difficult
to move. I’m shaking, out of exhilaration and fear, and cannot prevent
myself from laughing at the absurdity of it all. I want to go back, see
them again, hear what they have to say…

For about an hour after that, reality is like a dream, it is as if I am
in a simulation, a cosmic joke. It was terrifying, exhilerating,
beautiful, extreme, and healing.

Now, I do not know what is real, whether other realities do exist or
not, and whether that (or those) presence(s) are real in some parallel
space or just in my head like my rational mind would lead me to believe.

It has been several hours now, and I still do not know. Nor do I know
whether I even exist.

This is the most profound spiritual experience I have ever had and I
intend to go back soon. I know what it is like now, so I think I can
explore rather than fear. I await that with impatience.


by Tomate